初めてのライティング添削~!

今日朝起きるとBEST TEACHERから添削が帰ってきてた~。

感激!

↓のが自分が書いたパート1

 The two pie graphs the proportion of users in four difference age categories who join Facebook in 2005 and 2015. According to the charts, during the 15 year period, almost all groups increased, except age group among 13 to 24 years old.
  
  In 2005, the highest proportion of users was among 13-24 years old at 51.1%. However, by 2015 It had dropped significantly to 40% which was the biggest fall among all age groups. the 25-40 years old had the second-highest share at 32% in 2005 and 10 years later, it had increased considerably to 47% which had made it most participation rate in using Facebook in 2015.

 Both the 41-65 and the 66-80 years old showed similar pattern. percentages for tow age groups began at 16% and 1% . It increased rate 3% and 2% respectively.

 To sum up, Little by little, using people were decreasing steadily. However, it can be said that younger people will use new types of social networking services in the future. 

で先生に添削してもらった自分のSUMMARY。

The two pie graphs show the proportion of users in four different age categories who joined Facebook in 2005 and 2015. According to the charts, during the 10-year period, almost all groups increased, except the age group of 13 to 24 years old.
 
  In 2005, the highest proportion of users was among 13-24 years old at 51.1%. However, by 2015 it had dropped significantly to 40%, which was the biggest drop among all age groups. The 25-40 age group had the second-highest share at 32% in 2005, and 10 years later, it had increased considerably to 47%, which had made it the category with the highest participation rate of Facebook users in 2015.

 Both the 41-65 and the 66-80 categories showed a similar pattern. Percentages for the two age groups began at 16% and 1%. The rate increased 3% and 2% respectively.

 To sum up, little by little, users decreased steadily. However, it can be said that younger people will use new types of social networking services in the future. 

それでこれが間違えの説明!

3rd person plural.

2. Adjective.
3. Past simple tense.
4. 2005 to 1015 = 10 years. Put a hyphen between a number and another adjective when they modify a noun together.
5.17. Definite article. This is a specific age group.
6. “the age group OF X to Y” – I belong to the age group of 30 year olds.
7.12. Put a comma before “which” when it begins a non-restrictive clause.
8. We use this noun to speak of percentages that go down.
9.16. Capitalize the first letter of words that begin a sentence.
10. “age group” or “age category”
11. Put a comma before a coordinating conjunction when it joins two independent clauses.
13. Rephrase this sentence like this.
14. Call them “catgories” or “groups”.
15. Indefinite article. We use the indefinite article to classify things.
18. This word is spelled “two”.
19. Rephrase it like this.
20. Don’t capitalize the first letter of words that come after commas.
21. They are called “users”.
22. Past simple tense in the active voice. 

実際自分で見直すのもしんどいのにすごい~!先生ありがとうって感じ。

自分のミスはもちろん欠点もなんか少しつかめてきたかも?

とりあえずトレーニングの教材も作ってくれてて

今日はこれで1日終わりそう。

でも、なんかウキウキ!

なんか野球やってた時のウキウキと似てるな~。

毎日英語力上げるって事に全力で使えてて、

世界はコロナでやばいけど裏で頑張ります~。

 

シェアする

  • このエントリーをはてなブックマークに追加

フォローする